“For God so loved the sugar, He gave his only diabetic son, Fat Jesus —

who descended from the clouds like a chunky hippo,

Armed with a fork in one hand and a gallon of ranch in the other —

that whosoever devoureth without remorse shall not diet,

but be gifted infinite cake, air-fried salvation, and thighs of thunder.”

For thine is the Kingdom,

the cream,

and the Greasy Glory

of the Lord’s 24/7 Drive-Thru.

— Amen extra crispy.

Jelly 3:16